1. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.



2. Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.


3. Either you're the one erasing or you're the one being erased.

4. It is better to risk starving to death then surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what's left?

5. If you aren't in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.

6. If you've got a talent, protect it.

7. I love playing ego and insecurity combined.

8. I don't think human beings learn anything without desperation. Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything or creating anything. Period. If you ain't desperate at some point, you ain't interesting.


9. I absolutely want to have a career where you make'em laugh and make'em cry. It's all theater.

10. I praticed making faces in the mirror and it would drive my mother crazy. She used to scare me by saying that I was going to see the devil if I kept looking in the mirror. That fascinated me even more, of course.

11. That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like: "Yeah, big deal. I'd eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down."

12. I'm very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.

13. I just want to be myself.

14. I know this sounds strange, but as a kid, I was really shy. Painfully shy. The turning point was freshman year, when I was the biggest geek alive. No one, I mean no one, even talked to me.

15. My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh.




16. Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

17. I really believe in the philosophy that you create your own universe. I'm just trying to create a good one for myself.

18. I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of the day when I'm alone and don't have to be performing.

19. I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go: "Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it."

20. But, you know, you can't be a star at home.

21. Some nights it was a melee, literally, where I'd be standing trying to defend myself for what I was doing. People would be screaming at me to do my old act, and getting actually violent and angry at me.






22. Before I do anything, I think, well what hasn't been seen. Sometimes, that turns out to be something ghastly and not fit for society. And sometimes that inspiration becomes something that's really worthwhile.

23. Ever since I started to get recognition I've picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them.

24. I don't make it in regular channels, and that's okay for me.

25. You know, I live a monastic lifestyle. No, I do. I do live in extremes, basically. I go back and forth. Once every six months, I'll have a day where I eat more chocolate than has ever been consumed by a human being.

26. I'm a hard guy to live with. I'm like a caged animal. I'm up all night walking around the living room. It's hard for me to come down from what I do.





27. I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don't know if it's possible forever and ever.

28. I'm so wrapped up in my work that it's often impossible to consider other things in my life. My marriage ended in divorce because of this, my relationship with Holly has suffered by this.

29. I need privacy. I would think that because what I do makes a lot of people happy that I might deserve a little bit of respect in return. Instead, the papers try to drag me off my pedestal.

30. It's nice to finally get scripts offered to me that aren't the ones Tom Hanks wipes his butt with.

31. A lot of good love can happen in ten years.

32. I want to be the greatest actor that ever lived, frankly. I'd love that. But I don't need to be. I just want to be here. That's it.


33. I've arrived at the place if I'm not taking a career risk, I'm not happy. If I'm scared, then I know I'm being challenged.

34. Maybe other people will try to limit me but I don't limit myself.

35. Morgan Freeman is so class. He's so cool. He's so scary.

36. My family kinda hit the skids. We were experiencing poverty at that point. We all got a job, where the whole family had to work as security guards and janitors. And I just got angry.

37. Originality is really important.

38. People need motivation to do anything. I don't think human beings learn anything without desperation.

39. I'm the first to admit this whole salary thing is getting out of control. In the final analysis, it's still about the work.


40. For some reason I did something where I realized I could get a reaction. That was when I broke out of my shell at school, because I really didn't have any friends or anything like that and I just kind of was going along, and then finally I did this zany thing, and all of a sudden I had tons of friends.

41. Creative people don't behave very well generally. If you're looking for examples of good relationships in show business, you're gonna be depressed real fast. I don't have time for anything else right now but work and my daughter. She's my first priority.

42. Green Eggs and Ham was the story of my life. I wouldn't eat a thing when I was a kid, but Dr. Seuss inspired me to try cauliflower!

43. I don't care if people think I am an overactor, as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter.

44. When the first big paycheque with "Dumb And Dumber" hit, I went: "Gosh, I wonder if this will affect my performance. Will I do a take and think, was that worth $7 million?" But that never happened. If anything, it made me rebel against that thing when people who get rich start playing it safe.



45. I feel like I want to take care of everyone and I also feel this terrible guilt if I am unable to. And I have felt this way ever since all this success started.

46. What I have in common with the character in "Truman" is this incredible need to please people. I feel like I want to take care of everyone and I also feel this terrible guilt if I am unable to. And I have felt this way ever since all this success started.

47. Ya know what I do almost every day? I wash. Personal hygiene is part of the package with me.

48. The money can be a hindrance to someone like me because the danger is that you start thinking: '"Is that a $20 million take?" That kind of thing, and being self-critical.

49. We had problems like all families but we had a lot of love. I was extremely loved. We always felt we had each other.

50. There was a time when people said: "Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that." Now they just say: "Pay him!"

51. My report card always said: "Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students".


52. My upbringing in Canada made me the person I am. I will always be proud to be a Canadian.


53. My life is not unlike Truman's. I can't go anywhere.

54. One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again.

55. My dad was like a stage mother he always pushed me to do what I wanted.

56. My mother was a professional sick person; she took a lot of pain pills. There are many people like that. It's just how they are used to getting attention. I always remember she's the daughter of alcoholics who'd leave her alone at Christmas time.

57. I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

58. I try to do something the audience might not have seen before. Like if I'm gonna kiss a girl I wanna kiss her like a girl has never been kissed. Like maybe I would kick her legs out from under her and catch her right before she hits the ground and then kiss her.

59. I refuse to feel guilty. I feel guilty about too much in my life but not about money. I went through periods when I had nothing, so somebody in my family has to get stinkin' wealthy.

60. I haven't been as wild with my money as somebody like me might have been. I've been very safe, very conservative with investments. I don't blow money. I don't have a ton of houses. I know things can go away. I've already had that experience.

61. I used to draw a lot. If my mother would ask me to do something else, I'd have a hairy conniption. I'd just go crazy.

62. I've never been one to sit back and go: "I'd better do what the audience wants me to do, because I don't want to lose them."

63. If I had never ventured beyond being a stand-up comic, then I would be sitting in my house today working on my Leonardo DiCaprio impression.



64. I think I could go away tomorrow. I've already accomplished something. It's such a selfish business that sometimes I get sick of myself.

65. I've tried everything. I've done therapy, I've done colonics. I went to a psychic who had me running around town buying pieces of ribbon to fill the colors in my aura. Did the Prozac thing.

66. It was such a leap in my career when "Truman Show" came along. It's always been a long process for me insofar as recognition goes, but that's OK because you appreciate it when it comes.

67. It's hard for anybody who's been with me not to feel starved for affection when I'm making love to my ideas. Maybe it's not meant for me to settle down and be married.

68. Life is an ordeal, albeit an exciting one, but I wouldn't trade it for the good old days of poverty and obscurity.

69. Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his a$$.

70. It's insane. I mean, Jack Nicholson , Dustin Hoffman, Samuel L. Jackson, Kevin Kline - I don't see how I can lose. (on his chances of winning at the 1998 Golden Globes Awards)

71. Like most Catholic boys, I wanted to be Jesus Christ. I could never get the turn-the-other-cheek thing down, though. (on religion)

72. I just want to be killer funny. You know kick ass piss in your pants run out of the theatre and rip you dick off and throw yourself into traffic funny!

73. If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams.

74. There's new territory, there's new places to go, new things to explore. Why stay back there? ... Maybe it will take three films to find another character that is really totally original, but I've got a lifetime, so why waste it just repeating myself?

75. Second year in a row - what's going on here, man? ... I'm the establishment I once rejected. ... I'm the Tom Hanks of the Golden Globes.

76. If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer!


77. There is nothing like making love to somebody you give a shit about.



78. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911? Aaaalrighty then.

79. Your request is not unlike your lower intestine, stinky and loaded with danger.

80. Somebody help me, I'm being spontaneous! 

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