1. Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.


2. If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.

3. Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren't going to get rid of me that way.

4. Friendship takes time and energy if it's going to work. You can luck into something great, but it doesn't last if you don't give it proper appreciation. Friendship can be so comfortable, but nurture it-don't take it for granted.

5. Animals don’t lie. Animals don’t criticize. If animals have moody days, they handle them better than humans do.


6. I'm a teenager trapped in an old body.


7. You don't luck into integrity. You work at it.

8. It’s (old age) not a surprise, we knew it was coming - make the most of it. So you may not be as fast on your feet, and the image in your mirror may be a little disappointing, but if you are still functioning and not in pain, gratitude should be the name of the game.

9. Trolls suck.

10. All creatures must learn to coexist. That’s why the brown bear and the field mouse can share their lives in harmony. Of course, they can’t mate or the mice would explode.

11. I always tape my Christmas show in advance. That way I can spend the season of joy and goodwill with my only sister in Florida. She’s kinda a creep but she’s got a pool.







12. Snow always inspires such awe in me. Just consider one tiny snowflake alone, so delicate, so fragile, so ethereal. And yet, let a billion of them come together through the majestic force of nature, they can screw up a whole city.

13. I’m sorry Mary but I’m afraid there’s only one thing for me to do under the circumstances and I don’t mean to break up your party but I really think it would be better all around if I went out there and pushed her off the balcony.

14. Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.



15. You’re not gonna become one of those women who like themselves are you? Because everyone hates those women.

16. We didn’t have Facebook in my day, we had a phone book but you wouldn’t waste an afternoon on it.

17. People say, but Betty Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends. Well at my age if I want to connect with old friends, I need a Ouija Board.

18. I really have to thank Facebook. When I first heard about the campaign to get me to host Saturday Night Live, I didn’t know what facebook was and now that I do know what it is, I have to say it sounds like a huge waste of time.

19. Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on.




20. I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves. I don't care whether it's ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, or whose ox is being gored.

21. I don't care who anybody sleeps with. If a couple has been together all that time - and there are gay relationships that are more solid than some heterosexual ones - I think it's fine if they want to get married. I don't know how people can get so anti-something. Mind your own business, take care of your affairs, and don't worry about other people so much.

22. Avoid tweeting any photos of your private parts.

23. You gotta use everything you possibly can.

24. I majored in English in college, ... but whenever I had doubts when I was writing, I'd always call Nelson. He would always laugh and say he needed to be on my payroll.




25. I love being able to contribute to medical education and science.

26. They see these gorgeous animals and they know we must not let them perish off this Earth. You don't get that off a documentary.

27. I have a two-story house and a bad memory, so I’m up and down those stairs all the time. That’s my exercise!

28. I’ve always liked older men. They’re just more attractive to me. Of course, at my age there aren’t that many left! I’ve enjoyed the opposite sex a lot. Always have. Always will.


What do you think of Betty White's quotes?

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